Gladys (Victim Support): "It's not about me, it's about the victim"

Gladys Nelstein works for Victim Support Netherlands: “Sometimes it’s a difficult question to ask victims, whether they want to get in contact with the offender. Most times I ask them: ‘Would you want to receive an apology from the perpetrator?’ or ‘Would you want to know why they did this to you?’ So I ask them anyway, because you never know the answer.”

Gladys started as a volunteer of the legal department of Victim Support Netherlands four years ago, and became an employee a year later. “After a crime like assault or theft, I contact victims to ask how they are doing and to inform them. After that, I assess what the effects of the crime were to the victim. I also ask them about their wants and wishes, and I propose the possibility of restorative mediation to them. I do this, for example, when they are very afraid, want to know what the offender looks like, or want to make agreements for the future. Restorative mediation is one of the ways that can help victims process what happened. If they don’t want to see the offender, I mention the possibility of a letter exchange. Besides a conversation between victim and perpetrator, they can also get in contact through a letter exchange, send messages through the mediator, or send a video message.

Gladys continues: “Sometimes it’s a difficult question to ask, whether they want to get in contact with the offender. Most times I ask them: ‘Would you want to receive an apology from the perpetrator?’ or ‘Would you want to know why they did this to you?’ So I ask them anyway, because you never know the answer.”

“It's about the victim, not about me”

Last year, Gladys applied for a boy that got robbed and assaulted. Gladys pointed him to the possibility of restorative mediation, and they ended up having a conversation between the victim and his mom, and one of the offenders with his mom. It helped both victim and offender, and their mothers, in their recovery. During the application, Gladys discussed with the mediator how they would work together. She’s glad to hear that the meeting helped the victim and his mom. But, she emphasizes, it’s not about her. “It’s about the victim. My motivation is that when you don’t ask the victim whether they want to get in contact, you do them a disservice.”