“If we happened to run into each other again, we can look each other straight in the eyes.”

For almost 10 years, Amy* was a gymnast at a professional level. Under the care of several former trainers, she was a victim of transgressive behaviors for a long time. With one of the former trainers, she did restorative mediation. 

From the age of eight, Amy was already a professional gymnast. It was her passion. But after a switch of trainers around the time she was twelve years old, the tide began to turn. In that time, she trained about 30 hours a week, and she was exposed to the harsh training methods of Eastern Europe that had also gained popularity in the Netherlands during the 1980’s and 1990’s. “A performance culture full of fear was created. After every jump I would look at my trainer’s face to see whether he approved or not. It was almost normal to cry during the trainings, and if for once you didn’t cry, you’d be proud of yourself.”

No say

When she was 17, Amy stopped doing gymnastics. At that point, she no longer wanted to be a part of the world of gymnastics. “We were often away from home for several weeks, and were pretty isolated from the outside world, because there was this conviction that everything that came in from the outside had a negative influence on your career. The power dynamic was also all wrong. You basically had no say in anything and had to fit into a certain box.”

“One of my former trainers ended up at the Institute of Sports Law (Instituut Sportrechtspraak, ISR) because of a disciplinary investigation. During the hearing, the trainer admitted himself that mistakes had been made, and that he was prepared to talk to me about it. That made me feel more positive, and gave me the courage to have that conversation with him. The trainer showed that he was able to self-reflect, but there were still things that bothered me. 

Tension

Together with a mediator from Perspectief, Francis, Amy prepared for the mediation. She experienced this as very pleasant. “I did feel myself falling back into the way things used to be in the past. The trainer is the elder and I’m the younger one. I felt a lot of tension around that, so it felt good that someone else would initiate the contact for me. It gave me more space to think about what I wanted to achieve with the conversation instead of worrying about which words I would or should use.”

For Amy it was important to share her experiences and perspectives around the things that happened with the trainer, without receiving an immediate defensive rebuttal. Because of the guidance of the mediator, this was possible. “It felt like a conversation on equal footing. It was nice for me that someone could press the brakes sometimes when the other person was about to take over. We took turns to talk, and each time the mediator asked if the other wanted to respond. This way we both got a chance to tell our stories.” The meeting made Amy feel like she’d been able to properly tell him how she had experienced the things that happened. 

The mediation changed Amy’s view of the trainer and the events. “The trainer offered me some context surrounding his course of action and explained why he acted the way he acted.” Because of this, Amy was able to gain more understanding about the situation. “In a disciplinary investigation, the experience of an event is written down on paper, and that doesn’t always do justice to the emotions connected to it. During restorative mediation and in conversation with each other you can go more in-depth and explain better what you mean.”

Because of the mediation, Amy was able to get closure surrounding the events with this trainer. She got recognition, and that helped. “We were honest. If we happened to run into each other again, we can look each other straight in the eyes. That is very nice and makes me feel at peace. What happened, happened, and we can’t change anything about that, but what we can change is the way we deal with it.”

*The name of the victim has been changed for privacy reasons. 

Do you want to know more about restorative mediation after transgressions in sports and how we can help you? Read more on this page.