Mediator Nele: “It’s important to inform young people in detention about restorative mediation.”

Sam* was still a minor when he robbed a store all on his own. There was a minor cashier working in the store, who he threatened with a knife. Even though he was already shocked by himself as he was doing it, he followed through, and got away with the money from the cash register. He needed the money for school supplies and clothing, he explained afterwards.

His actions did not come out of nowhere; at home and at school things weren’t going well, he had a difficult background, had gotten many different types of help, and had already been involved with the police multiple times. He felt like he didn’t get the attention he needed at home and at school, and according to him, he wasn’t thinking about the effects his actions would have on others. 

After his time in a youth prison, he started open forensic psychiatry, and a psychologist told him about Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling. Before that time, someone else had written in a report about him and that was supposedly a ‘boy without emotions’. Partially because he wanted to prove (to himself as well) that this was not true, he applied for restorative mediation. He wanted to go through this process by himself, without help from his counsellors, who gave him the trust and freedom to do this. Sam told mediator Nele that he could imagine very well that the girl, the minor cashier, was probably very bothered by what had happened. He wanted to apologize to her, listen to how she had experienced it, and give recognition for that. 

Meeting

The girl agreed to the mediation, and came to the meeting with her mother. She wanted to tell him how she had experienced the event, and her mother wanted to tell him that she hoped that he had learned his lesson and would choose a different path in life. Eventually, it turned out to be a conversation in which the two young people could speak openly with each other, and her mother kept to the background and allowed them the space to talk. They dared to look each other in the eyes, and listened attentively to each other, with genuine interest. Sam could ask her if she had suffered many effects because of what happened, and she could ask him what drove him to do this. He was able to reassure the girl and her mother by telling them he would never do anything like this again. They came to the conclusion together that it all could have ended much worse.

To Sam, the meeting offered a lot of relief: he felt freed from the negative image he had of himself, and could start focusing on the future and the good things in life again. The conversation helped him to step out of the perpetrator role. The girl said that the conversation gave her a different, less frightening image of him, and that she was able to get closure. 

Well-informed

Nele advises people who work with young people in detention that it’s important to inform them about restorative mediation. Including the young people for whom it might seem at first that restorative mediation is not a suitable option. It can help and be healing for both offender and victim to get in contact with each other, to talk about the event they were both involved in, and get closure together. We often tend to think for others and decide for them whether they are ready for this or not, but it’s important that they are well-informed about their options, so they can make that decision for themselves. In the preparative talks with the mediator, before a meeting takes place, the mediator can help them to thoroughly consider whether or not they want to have this contact, and how this contact can help them with their recovery. 

*Sam is not his real name.