“The most impressive conversation out of my whole probation services career”

Caroline van der Veen has been working for the Dutch probation services for 23 years, and mainly deals with cases of forensic psychiatry. She was present during a mediation between her client and his victim, and that was very impressive. 

“I attended a mediation between my forensic psychiatric patient and his ex-wife. This ended up being the most impressive conversation out of my whole probation services career of over 20 years.”

“Do you realize at all what you did to us?” She sat opposite from him, her arms rested on the table, her hands folded together. Her gaze was stiffly fixated on him while she repeated the question. Whether he realized at all what he had done to them. She waited for a little bit, and in that silence, it became clear that she did not really expect an answer from him. And regardless of what his answer could have been, she bravely started telling her story… Her words were clear and sharp, razor sharp.”

“Mercilessly, she explained how her life had turned out after he had been arrested. How the life of their daughters was ruined by him because he sexually abused them ever since they were ten years old, even resulting in pregnancies that had to be terminated. The youngest son was severely abused by him. They grew up to be damaged people. She told him how she had lost her job and her house, her network… How everyone had turned their backs on her because of what he did. Breathlessly, we sat at the table with her. Breathlessly, without words, and deeply impressed. She explained how she had fought like a lioness for her children. She delineated the image of a life full of disappointment and grief. Shame and humiliation. Of losing everything.”

“And now she sat there and asked him whether he had a clue about all of this misery. And he shut down. He lowered his head and had no words for her. Words couldn’t do anything for her anymore. She wanted to deliver her words and her story to him once and for all. Her words, that would keep resonating in his head for years to come. No, he had no idea what he had done to her. And no… neither did we, to be honest. But today, we have some idea. Thanks to her.”

Want to register someone for restorative mediation? Read these tips for professionals.