"Restorative mediation can be very healing"

Someone who regularly refers clients to Perspectief, is Ilse van der Maesen. Ilse has been working as a volunteer at Victim Support Netherlands in the Arnhem region for over 16 years. She almost always mentions restorative mediation in her conversations with victims. 

“I think there is so much to be found in non-verbal communication and energies between people. There is a lot that we don’t see. I think that can do so much good in a meeting. That just seeing somebody and meeting them can take away a lot of the negative energy around it. And if that doesn’t do it, a conversation will. I really believe in that.”

The way that Ilse informs clients about Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling, depends on the case. “Sometimes I do it very directly, and sometimes very subtly, saying 'I’ll put this flyer here, you can have a look at it later…'. But I mention restorative mediation in 80-90% of my cases. If a victim if very afraid, that's often a reason for me to talk to them about restorative mediation. I think a meeting can take away a lot of fear and anger.”

Transgressive behavior within the family

Some time ago, Ilse visited a family in which the stepfather had engaged in sexually transgressive behavior. “I asked myself again; am I going to mention Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling? Yes, I am. Even though it seems that living together again in the future is not an option for this family, they still need to deal with each other in some ways.” In the flyer about restorative mediation that Ilse gave to the family, it says: if the people involved know each other, they can also make agreements, such as how to treat each other in the future to prevent it from happening again.

Ilse recalls another case that she referred to Perspectief. “A young man had a collision on his motor bike, and ended up in the hospital badly wounded. The causer of the accident never tried to get in touch, and that stung the victim. I can imagine very well that it makes you think: why won’t he tell me his side of the story, why won’t he apologize, why won’t he show he cares? They eventually got in contact through Perspectief, and that mediation was very beneficial for both of them. Afterwards, the mediator said: you could just see 25 kilos get lifted off his shoulders during the meeting with the causer of the accident. Pretty much the moment he entered the room, isn’t that great?”

Standard practice

Ilse would like to advise other professionals: if you can, do it. “I don't find it difficult to mention restorative mediation at all. I often say: ‘just know that there is an organization called Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling’ and I explain to them what it is. I talk about the wonderful work they do, which often times is very healing for the victim, but also for the suspect or causer of an accident.” If it were up to Ilse, mentioning and recommending Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling should be a standard practice among professionals.