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Do you have questions or doubts, or would you like to discuss with someone whether restorative mediation is right for you?
Did you make or receive threats, or were you involved in acts of intimidation?
Someone threatened or intimidated you. Or maybe you did it to someone else. It's possible that it happened impulsively, or that someone was angry or scared and wanted to defend themself. It's also possible that things were said or done on both sides that caused both people to feel bad and unsafe.
Threats and intimidation can happen in many different ways. With words or with a gesture. Directly or indirectly, online or in real life, or both. It can make you feel scared or angry, or guilty because someone else may be afraid of you now. Maybe you have a lot of questions, because you're not sure how to move on from this.
For example, you may be asking yourself these questions:
- How did it get so out of hand?
- What did I do to get threatened?
- Would it help if I apologized?
- How can I feel less scared?
- Do they know what the impact has been for me?
- Are they afraid of me now?
- Can I still safely cross the street?
- Do they know I didn't really mean it like that?
- Will they try to do something to me?
Restorative mediation can help
In restorative mediation, you get in contact with the other person(s) that were involved in the event. This contact is guided by one of our professional mediators. You can choose for yourself what you would like to ask or say to the other person. For example:
- Why you or the other person did it
- What the consequences were for you
- How the other person experienced it
- How you would like to move on
It can help to talk about what happened, to say how you feel about it, and get answers from the other person. This can help you feel more calm, less angry, less scared, or less guilty. It can help to process the event and come to terms with it. You can also talk about how you will move on, for example in case you know each other or live in the same neighborhood. You could, for example, agree that you will only greet each other from a distance in the future.
You don't necessarily have to have a face-to-face conversation with the other person, if you don't want to. You can also write each other a letter, or send messages through the mediator. You can also record an audio or video message for the other person. You decide what kind of contact you want. Visit this page for more information about how it works.
Good to know:
- Restorative mediation is voluntary and free of cost.
- The contact is confidential.
- The mediator is neutral and prioritizes the wants and needs of both parties.
- All participants can start, pause, or quit the mediation at any point.
- You can bring someone to the meeting to support you.
- If you do not speak (good) Dutch or English, we can arrange an interpreter for you who will translate. This does not cost money for you.
Apply
You can apply for restorative mediation on this page.
If you apply, this doesn't mean we will immediately contact the other person, or that you commit to getting in contact with them. We will first discuss with you why you want restorative mediation, and what is important to you. Only once you give permission, the mediator will contact the other person.
Experiences of others
A fight in a local pub escalates. Martijn stabs Gerard in the stomach with a large knife. Martijn is sentenced to four years, and spends two years and eight months in prison. Years later, Martijn en Gerard meet up to talk. Gerard: “I had to get rid of that feeling somehow. Of constantly being angry.”
In 2021, Jolanda’s son Perry (21) was killed when his then 17-year-old friend Damian stabbed him in a parking lot. “For a long time, I had no idea what had gotten into him. Only once I got in contact with him, I got answers and peace,” Jolanda says, who talked with Damian and later also his parents.
The store robbery that Belinda experienced has had a great impact on her life ever since. It even led to physical issues. Now that she has had a conversation with the perpetrator, her life has changed a lot. “I’m very happy I did it. A lot of fear got lifted from my shoulders.”
“Being a perpetrator doesn’t mean that person is completely evil. That’s true for me as well. I regret the robberies that I committed. I wanted to get in contact with the victims to tell them how I ended up in the criminal circuit.” Jordi (27) talks about his experience with restorative mediation.
At first, Evi didn’t want to invest any more energy into the robbery that happened at the drug store she had been a manager at for years. But then her motherly heart got in the mix. 'I hoped I could contribute to a better life for him.' She’s also happy for herself that she agreed to a mediation.
Gwen was robbed in her home and threatened with a knife. After the perpetrator was arrested, Gwen got a call from a mediator from Perspectief. The perpetrator wanted to talk with her. Together with the mediator, Gwen visited him in the youth prison.
Already during his prison sentence, Ata wanted to apologize to the victims of the fire he started in asylum seekers center. After he got out, a probation worker applied for him at Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling. What followed was a special conversation between victim and offender.
Almost seven years ago, Daphne’s ex-partner stabbed her. In the Magazine for Restorative Justice (Tijdschrift voor Herstelrecht) in an issue themed around forgiveness, Daphne talks about her process. “I’ve only now started to be angry. And I like it.”
After Melissa was involved in a robbery at a supermarket, the perpetrator asked to get in contact with her through Perspectief. A few weeks later, Melissa can look the robber in the eyes. “There was a completely different man in front of me.”
