Evi wanted to look the robber in the eyes

At first, Evi* didn’t want to invest any more energy into the robbery that happened at the drug store she had been a manager at for years. But then her motherly heart got in the mix. She’s also happy for herself that she agreed to a mediation through Perspectief Herstelbemiddeling: “It took the sharp edges off of what happened. In my mind, the perpetrator is no longer this big bogeyman, but a child that made a mistake.”

Impact of the robbery

“Just before closing time, I heard footsteps behind me. When I turned around to greet the customer, I looked straight into the barrel of a gun. I shouted ‘help’, had a short black-out, was dragged to the back, and saw that my coworker was being taken into the warehouse by another robber, and being threatened with a knife. The external team of six people that was counting the balance in the back of the store had to come with them as well. All I thought was: cooperate, alert, observe, so that I can hug my children when it’s over. When they looked away for a moment, I was able to press the alarm button. Those were the longest seven minutes of my life. We were waiting for the safe to open. Meanwhile, the boy was slamming his gun on things in the warehouse. We were forced to crouch down with our hands on the back of our heads. When the perpetrators realized that the building had been surrounded by police, we were able to escape. I was trembling like a leaf.” 

“The days after it happened felt like a blur. We survived, was all I could think. My boss was very concerned about me. I was allowed to stay home for as long as I wanted, but after four days I started working again. I knew that if I waited any longer, I’d be too scared to start again. The same was true for my coworker. Customers came to us crying, gave us flowers, plants, and chocolates. The management also responded very kindly, and someone would constantly come in to check on us, until we said: ‘It’s been enough, we want to move on.’ The thought that the perpetrators hadn’t sought us out specifically also helped. I also found out that they weren’t these big, adult men, but two young, stupid boys of 15 and 16 years old, who thought they could return home with a big bag of money. The gun was fake. Knowing all of these things helped us move on.”

Why mediation?

“About three months after the robbery, I got a letter from Perspectief mediator Désirée. She asked whether me and my coworker might want to get in contact with the perpetrator; he wanted to write us a letter. He was too scared for a meeting. In the phone calls that followed, she told us more about what had happened to him ever since. Should we still put time and effort into this?, we thought at first. But the more I heard from Désirée, the more my motherly heart got into the mix. He was just a kid, a kid who regretted what he did. A kid that was having a hard time in prison, and was literally pulling out his own hair. His family was also very sad about what he had done. The letter itself didn’t really do much for me, it was written in a childish way and I wondered if he had only written it to get his sentence reduced.”

“My coworker needed more time, she was very angry, but eventually we said to each other: ‘Maybe this way we can contribute to a better life for him, and it can also help us to process what happened.’ Because every time a black man with a black hood would walk into the store, or every time I could only see a silhouette on the security cameras because of the sun, my heart would beat in my throat. The boy agreed to meet.”

The meeting

“Désirée prepared the meeting with us: our goal was to look him in the eyes and tell him about the impact the robbery had had on us. Until the very end, she gave us the option to decide not to go through with it. The boy, the mother, his sister, and probation worker Linda, were already in the room when Désirée came to get us, exactly as we had agreed. I was very nervous about entering the room, but he looked so different from how I had imagined him: it was a small, vulnerable boy, baby fat still in his cheeks, with a box of tissues within reach. This was not the big, dark bogeyman I had imagined. The roles were reversed this time, now I was in control, and this gave me reassurance and satisfaction. He didn’t dare to look at us. Sometimes, when Désirée invited him to, he looked up at us for a second. He cried during the whole conversation.”

“I felt angry when I started to tell my story: ‘We work very hard’, I told him. ‘We are very committed to the company and our customers, and now we can never work with peace of mind again. You ruined that for us. Your mother could have been in the store with us, the moment of the robbery,’ I said. ‘That’s not something you want to do to your mom, right?’ And: ‘Everyone wants to get home safe at night. Make something of your life, and make sure your parents can be proud of you.’”

“In fits and starts, he told us about himself, about the boy who had forced him to do it. About the work he wanted to do in the future. I could see the regret in his eyes. He appeared to be a naïve and sensitive boy. This gave me a lot of relief. I started feeling sorry for him more and more. In an impulse, I grabbed him and said: ‘I forgive you, but make something of your life, because if you don’t, I don’t forgive you.’ Then I gave him a hug. His mother then embraced me. ‘Sorry for my son,’ she said, and ‘thank you’. 

The effect

“The meeting made me feel relieved, made me feel happy. It took the sharp edges off of what happened. In my mind, he’s no longer this big bogeyman, but a child that made a mistake and regrets it a lot. The same goes for my coworker. For us, it feels really good that we were able to contribute to his processing of the event, and through that, contribute to his future. I heard he’s doing well now, he’s studying for the work he said he wanted to do.”

“We looked back on the meeting with Désirée during a phone call. Her guidance was very nice and professional. I’m happy that we kept talking to her and were able to look back at the robbery with a different feeling because of this. At first we wanted to forget that night as soon as possible and no longer put any energy into it. Now, we looked at the robber and the robbery straight on. If we hadn’t done this, this event would’ve kept bothering us.”

*The name of the victim has been changed for privacy reasons.